I am so f*cking glad I don't have a hangover.
It's Monday. And only Day 2. Wine o'clock came and went without much of a kerfuffle.
My Whole Tomato came from a conversation I had two years ago with a childhood friend. I had pretty much lost touch with her, except for Facebook. We were brought back together by the sudden passing of one in our high school circle of friends.
I had seen in her posts of her going to Burning Man and other social media friendly events with her husband, so I asked after him. She admitted that she had just recently left him. I then returned the favor of candor, and told her that I was desperately unhappily married to the kindest man in the world. Kind, but left me feeling that I wasn't getting enough nutrients, only half a tomato. So I asked her how she did it-- how she left.
I have known for years that I should leave. In fact, I did move out for about 6 months, nearly 5 years ago. I came back because I wasn't sure footed, but actually-- he didn't really even ask me back. He really is incredibly kind, so I took my need for more to mean that I was an ungrateful wench.
And I am on the other side of the world, and have been for a long time. All of these excuses I made as my depression deepened, my self-esteem plummeted, and my drinking accelerated.
I decided that my reason is so that I can get out of here and live. I will need all the power I can muster to get back to my home country believing that I am still a good human being with a reasonable enough chance at the future.
Very hard to see your own self worth when you can down 500ml of canned sparkling wine on the 20min walk home from the grocery store.
And I know that walk of shame very well.
It's Monday. And only Day 2. Wine o'clock came and went without much of a kerfuffle.
My Whole Tomato came from a conversation I had two years ago with a childhood friend. I had pretty much lost touch with her, except for Facebook. We were brought back together by the sudden passing of one in our high school circle of friends.
I had seen in her posts of her going to Burning Man and other social media friendly events with her husband, so I asked after him. She admitted that she had just recently left him. I then returned the favor of candor, and told her that I was desperately unhappily married to the kindest man in the world. Kind, but left me feeling that I wasn't getting enough nutrients, only half a tomato. So I asked her how she did it-- how she left.
I have known for years that I should leave. In fact, I did move out for about 6 months, nearly 5 years ago. I came back because I wasn't sure footed, but actually-- he didn't really even ask me back. He really is incredibly kind, so I took my need for more to mean that I was an ungrateful wench.
And I am on the other side of the world, and have been for a long time. All of these excuses I made as my depression deepened, my self-esteem plummeted, and my drinking accelerated.
I decided that my reason is so that I can get out of here and live. I will need all the power I can muster to get back to my home country believing that I am still a good human being with a reasonable enough chance at the future.
Very hard to see your own self worth when you can down 500ml of canned sparkling wine on the 20min walk home from the grocery store.
And I know that walk of shame very well.
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